Sunday, 18 November 2012

Mask of Tears

Tired; it was the only word to describe how she felt. She was tired of everything and everyone around her. She knew others had things harder than she did, she knew others had their own issues, but it didn’t stop her feeling melancholic. It didn’t stop her struggling to get out of bed each morning to pretend everything was all right.

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt truly happy. She couldn’t remember the last time her smile had been real. All she had was her mask, the smile that didn’t reach her eyes, and the laughter that sounded just a bit hollow. The mask fooled most people, no one caring to look beyond to see the pain inside. Everyone had their issues to deal with. They didn’t have the time or energy to get involved in anyone else’s.

She did though. She opened her heart endlessly to those around her, sharing in their problems and lending a shoulder when required. She cared and that was half of the problem. With caring came worrying about her friends to the point it often interrupted her sleep patterns. Others’ problems became so real to her they invaded her daily life.

It was hard to admit that she was so dependent on being needed. She knew it was probably some kind of mental health issue and it probably had some fancy name she didn’t know. She got her validation from those she cared about and when they didn’t need her she was stuck in a never-ending cycle of spiralling down into an abyss so dark finding the light was an impossibility.

It was a vicious cycle, an endless rollercoaster of ups and down. Each ‘happy’ cycle felt like the best one she’d ever had. Each ‘dark’ cycle felt like the end of the world. And all the while she painted on her mask and showed the world that she was a normal, functioning human being.

Sometimes she took the risk, reaching out to others, and showing them that she needed them. The problem with that was once she started talking she couldn’t stop and quickly the self-loathing would creep in. She hated being that person and would begin to doubt why those who cared about her found anything of worth in her. A thousand words of praise could be undone in one off the cuff comment that probably held no malice. That one moment would dominate everything though and cancel out every good moment.

Standing before the mirror, she tried to view herself objectively. She saw a non-descript woman, neither pretty nor ugly. She saw someone who was starting to look her age and needed to lose a few pounds. There was no lustre in the woman’s eyes; defeat was staring back at her.

How had she let things come to this? Where had she taken the wrong turn in her life? What could she do to fix it? If she hadn’t managed to fix it by now was it even possible? Did she even have the energy left to try?

Tonight the abyss reigned supreme. There was no light at the end of the tunnel; there was no one there to guide her out of her misery. She was alone, confronting the demons in her mind and trying to find the positives in her life. She knew she had some. Everyone had some positives but what were hers? She couldn’t think of one even though the people who loved her told her how special she was. Did they genuinely mean it? Could they see something worth loving in her when she couldn’t?

It was too much to think about, the melancholy rushing over her and almost bringing her to her knees. The tears began as they always did. Silent tears at first and then the long, wracking sobs kicked in. When would it stop? When would she feel happy again? When would the demons be slain so she could live one normal day without her mask?

As always, there was no answer to her questions. Crying she crawled into bed pulling the covers over her head to muffle the sounds. Not that there was anyone there to hear them. She was alone and had been for so very long. The night would pass as each one did and tomorrow would bring another day. Maybe that day would feel less bleak; maybe it would just be the same as this one. No matter what it brought, she would get back up and keep going, her mask firmly in place as her soul bled.

Maybe one day someone would see beneath the mask. Maybe…

Sunday, 11 November 2012

Poll up for New Title

Please take a moment to vote for the new Blog Title :) Suggestions have been provided by readers. I'm looking for something out of the box and these makes me smile :)

Dead Moon Waning inspired by L Royo

It was the end of the cycle, the time of fertility. For ten full revolutions, in the olden days called a year, the Dead Moon had been in ascendancy, the ground frozen, the People burrowed in the deepest of caves as close to the heat of the planet’s core as they could get.

For ten revolutions, the Animate Sun reined in all its glory, bathing the People with nourishing warmth, and providing rich, fertile soil to grow crops. The People called it the time of fertility, when new life sprang into existence, plant, animal and human. It was a wondrous time, something most people only experienced for a maximum of ten times in their lifetimes.

The counterpoint to the joy of the Animate Sun was the Dead Moon. For five revolutions the People basked in the glory of the sun and on the sixth, their toil began, in preparation for the Dead Moon rising.

The harsh existence of their world kept their numbers low. There were less than two hundred thousand of the People spanning the planet, each Tribe consisting of no more than one hundred individuals, their regions mapped out to exactness. It had always been that way, the amount of growing land required to sustain each Tribe the most important factor of their governance.

It was the only way they could survive extinction. Too many people on one region of land would spell the end of that Tribe. The quantity of food supplies they were able to harvest could only feed a set number to last the Dead Moon cycle. Anymore and they doomed the entire Tribe.

Their world did take pity on them though. For all they lived and loved close to the earth’s core, no woman ever conceived during the Dead Moon cycle. Some speculated that was why it had been assigned that name, because all life was barren under the dark sky. No crops grew. Neither animals nor children were born. Life stagnated as the People cowered from the freezing temperatures above.

Takareena bubbled with excitement as she made her way through the dark caverns lit by fortified reed torches. In one more turn, the People would begin making their way up towards the openness above, towards the Animate Sun. This would be her second exposure to its beauty and she retained enough memories of when she last saw it as a child. She had been born the first revolution of the last cycle and had been old enough to truly enjoy its splendour.

Some of friends had been born later in the cycle and their memories were not as vibrant as hers were so they had some trepidation about the coming changes, living within the caves being all they had known. She did her best to reassure them about how wonderful it would be but she could see some lingering doubt in their eyes. They would soon see how wondrous it was and know the sadness that would come when they had to return to the caves at the cycle’s end.

Takareena didn’t want to think about that though. That was ten revolutions away. All she wanted to think about was what was awaiting her and the rest of the Tribe; Life!

She hurried to the upper cavern, the one so vast the entire Tribe could fit in. Most of them where already there, kneeling on the rough stone floor, their heads tilting at various angles. Those who had been acclimatising longer could raise their eyes up to the pale stream of light shining through the chimney opening up high in the ceiling. They consisted mostly of the elders, people who had seen multiple Animate Sun cycles.

It was harder for them to become accustomed to the darkness of the caves but easier to greet the new sun. As it was harder for the younger ones to absorb the new wonder of light being introduced into their lives.

Takareena found a spot to kneel in a ray of sunlight, her head bent, and her arms resting gracefully on her thighs. The light illuminated the intricate tattoos dancing down her arms and back, most of her long dark hair pinned atop her head with long strands partially concealing elements of her tattoos on her bare back.

She had decided to stay within the cavern until the next turn and had imitated her tattoos, skilfully creating the designs beneath her eyes and down her cheeks with paint. Others in the cavern had done the same, applying the traditional fertility symbols to welcome the Animate Sun. Takareena had also adorned her hair with two ceremonial silver daggers and a silver butterfly pin, along with her silver coin circlet around her brow and pinned to cascade through her hair.

She had carried her gossamer white blouse, leaving her breasts bare to the warm air within the room, though she had remained clad in her dark breeches to protect her skin from the roughness of the stone floor. Around her small waist, she had clipped on her specially made skirt, a thick dark band with wide swathes of material flowing downwards.

She was ready to greet the sun as was befitting the customs of the Tribe and her excitement was boundless at what was so come.  When the call to go above came, she would strip off the last of the Dead Moon and walk into the light clad only in her skirt.

A sound startled her from her thoughts and her lips tilted in a shy smile as Kainan came to kneel beside her. She had observed him watching her for the last revolution though he had never approached her before. Kainan was the very epitome of virility, and everything the younger males aspired to be.

This would be his third sun cycle and the stories told by the Tribal Historians stated he had been instrumental in the boosted harvest for the Dead Moon cycle. The Tribe had fed well and there was still food in reserves. He had also fathered four strong sons and two daughters during the last cycle. His chosen mate, Blarana, was now past the fertility stage having been two cycles older. She had joined the ranks of the Tribal Histories now, teaching the children all they required to know of tribal life.

The excitement among the girls eligible for their first fertility cycle had been at fever pitch since they’d heard that Kainan would be seeking a new mate. Takareena hadn’t hoped to aspire to being the one he selected despite the fact he had been watching her so closely. Now he was kneeling beside her, staring up towards the sun and she was spellbound.

Kainan didn’t require the sun to colour his body. His skin was already a deep bronze in hue, the only clothing he wore being dark breeches similar to hers. His angular face appeared chiselled from granite, his dark hair cut so short she wanted to run her hand over his head to feel her palm tickle at the experience. His gaze was turned upward, steel grey eyes narrowing as he battled with the light, resolutely refusing to surrender to the glare.

Takareena took the opportunity to run her eyes down his thick neck, over shoulders so wide and strong she had to fight the continuing urge to trace the muscles with her hand. He was the strongest of the males and all could see that by evidence of his stature. His skin stretched over the hard muscles of his lightly haired chest, down over his taut stomach. It was as if it was there merely to enhance the muscles beneath and it screamed at his virility.

Her perusal was cut short as his head turned in her direction. He examined her as languidly as she had him, his all-seeing eyes tracing every feature on her face before they moved downwards. His gaze lingered on her rounded breasts, heat entering his eyes as their tips hardened at his scrutiny and they began to swell and feel heavy as he continued to look. Soundlessly he reached beside him to retrieve an object. Remaining silent, he placed the leather cloth pouch before her and moved until they were facing each other.

Takareena could feel many eyes watching them, a murmur of approval radiating within the cavern. Her heart began to thump as she unlaced the pouch and slowly unwrapped it. As the paint tubes became visible, her heart beat a little faster and she tried to control the shaking of her hands as she delicately drew them out. Kainan had chosen her out of all the available girls of the Tribe. He had bestowed such honour to her family and cemented her place in the Tribe.

Carefully she opened the paint, her gaze meeting his as he held still and she began to apply the fertility tattoos to his cheeks. No words were spoken between them as she concentrated on achieving perfection, accepting Kainan as her mate by performing the ritual decoration.

For the most part, he behaved but she nearly faltered towards the end when he boldly reached out and cupped her breast in his big hand. It was but a fleeting moment though, his thumb scraping over the hard peak lightly before he dropped his hand and allowed her to continue unhindered.

However, in that moment he lit such a fire in her veins, engendering a need that staggered her. How could one touch evoke such emotion? And what would it feel like when they went above and he took her body in the sun dance? Takareena thrilled at the thought, and when their eyes met the next time, there was a promise in his and anticipation in hers.


The Tribe moved slowly out of the darkness, blinking in the early morning light of the new sun. Some of the younger ones wore thin veils over their eyes to protect them though the histories said that within a few days the People would adapt to their new environment. They were a resilient species, attuned to the vagaries of their world.

Old mates and new alike peeled off into different directions eager to begin the fertility cycle. Of the one hundred people to enter the caves at the end of the last cycle, the Gods had taken twenty-nine of them to their hearth and the Tribe needed to be replenished. Others moved to begin checking the habitability of the wooden structures left standing from the last cycle.

The Tribe spread out over the land, each section taking on the responsibilities required to benefit the tribe. The elder males moved to tend the land, carrying the precious seeds they’d stored from before. The elder women herded the remaining animals into rough pens, seeing to their needs so they could begin their own fertility cycle. The unmated and Historians began the clearing of buildings as the children tentatively greeted the sun with awe and skittish giggles.

Kainan pulled Takareena down towards the river to the west of the village, his movements hurried. He stopped when they reached the shore turning to face her. “I would look upon you, Takareena.”

His deep voice sent a shiver of pleasure dancing across her skin and she hastened to do as he bade, unlacing her breeches with shaky fingers. His hands covered hers as she inadvertently knotted the lace in her attempt and she emitted a startled gasp when, without a word, he raised her up by her hips and laid her gently on a high moss-covered rock beside the water. Her legs dangled over the edge and she held her breath as his hands returned to the lace.

Fire raced through her blood as Kainan’s fingers brushed her most vulnerable area, the lace parting to leave her open for his perusal. His sharp intake of breath was enough to tell her that he enjoyed the view and made her heart race to a staccato beat.

“Exquisite,” he sighed softly, peeling down the soft material, kneeling to pull it from her body leaving her clad in her ceremonial skirt. “Turn around, mate.”

Takareena did as he asked, her feet touching the ground, the swatches of the skirt parting to display her bottom to the warm air. It felt invigorating and her excitement escalated as strong hands cupped her bottom and stroked lightly over her flesh and down the back of her thighs. He was kneeling once more, his breath whispering against her skin before a wet tongue stroked boldly up her left thigh, laving against her rounded flesh.

His mouth caressed her bottom intimately, his tongue sliding slowly down her right thigh to the back of her knee, his long fingers following in its wake. Takareena’s knees tremble and she was glad she had the rock to support her body, the moss tickling her swollen breasts as her body moved, pressing back towards Kainan’s mouth. Her sex was damp, pulsing to the beat of her heart as his fingers grazed the inside of her thighs but didn’t quite touch her core.

He was teasing her, stoking a fire of need with deliberate intent, and knowing that only served to fuel Takareena’s desire. Kainan was going to be a strong, virile lover and he would give her much pleasure as well as many fine sons and daughters. Together they would enhance the Tribe until it was strongest it had ever been. Together they would ensure the survival of the People.

“Kainan, I ache,” she whispered as the heat within built unbearably.

His teasing fingers brushed over her sex, pressing through her folds to slide intimately against her dampness. She gasped aloud, pressing into his hand, shuddering as he began to stroke rhythmically against her, pushing her further towards the pleasure that awaited her. She cried out when he stopped, and moved to press his hard body against her bottom, covering her and holding her arms down as his still clad body pressed her against the mossy rock.

His breathing was harsh as he began to grind against her, his hardness a steel rod against her bottom, his body forcing her sex to be ground against the soft covering beneath her. The sensation was astounding, tickling her tender skin but also sending sparks of pleasure rushing through her.

Takareena was climbing higher and higher, reaching for the release that was just out of reach, her heart racing as her body ground against the rock. Her breath caught, the world exploded around her, and she cried out as her climax rode over her in a pulsing wave.

She had never experienced anything like it before. Her male friends had pleasured her many times in the last revolution, though being one of the newly fertile she hadn’t completed the act of love with them, wanting to experience it for the first time as being part of the sun dance.  None of the others had ever pulled such emotion from her and it was taking some time for her breath to resume a more even cadence.

“It is good that you enjoy my touch, Takareena,” Kainan said quietly. “I have been waiting for this for a full revolution. We will do this many times and create many fine babies together.”

As he finished speaking she felt the touch of his naked legs against the back of her thighs and realised he had removed his breeches while she was gathering her breath. She tried to turn to have a view of him but he was pressing her against the rock once more, his erection a steel rod against her bottom.

“We will have time for more later,” he whispered in her ear. “For now I have a revolution of need to appease.” His knees pressed her thighs apart and he held her hands pinned above her head with one of his while the other slid under her abdomen to raise her up slightly. “May my seed find a home in your womb, mate, and the Gods bless us on this first day of the fertility cycle.”

Takareena moaned at his words, as he pressed against the opening of her body, his thickness slowly easing into her tightness. He felt so big, filling her completely as he thrust into her, holding her still so he could control their joining. It hurt a little at first but that was soon replaced by the most incredible feeling of being complete.

“Perfection,” Kainan murmured against the back of her neck, holding still to savour the moment of joining and the warmth of the rising sun on their skin. He had known she was his from the moment he’d seen her proudly displaying her newly acquired fertility tattoos. It had always been just a matter of time before he would be sinking deep within her body as he was now. And it surpassed every single erotic dream he’d ever had.

She enclosed him so tightly, trapping him in her wet heat, squeezing him until he groaned and had to move, had to pull slowly from her heat and rock back inside in one fluid movement. Her muttered cry stirred his blood, his mouth bending to the sacred tattoos on her back, his lips caressing each one as he pulled out and thrust again.

For each symbol on her skin, he blessed her body with his, taking his time to savour her heat, to maximise his pleasure as well as hers. He knew his movements were pressing her sex into the moss-covered rock, caressing the tiny bundle of nerves as her passion built higher.  Another time he would lie at her mercy and let her use his body as she saw fit, but this first time was his to show she belonged to him.

He had to love her to the point that no one could vie for her affections during this Animate Sun. He had to show her that he would worship her body as the strongest male of the Tribe, give her untold pleasure whenever she desired. She was his to lose and he had no intention of that happening. He had ached for this moment and now it was in his grasp he was never letting her go.

“Tell me what you desire, Takareena.” His lips brushed her shoulder, his teeth nibbling at her soft flesh.

“More.” Her gasped plea set his heart soaring, his blood rushing to his groan and making him harden more than he could remember. His next thrust was deep and hard, causing her to cry out loudly.

“Do you want my seed in you, mate? Do you want to feel me flowing within you, creating new life within this beautiful body? Will you accept me, surrender to me, stay with me?”

“Yes! Oh, yes, Kainan, I want you,” she whispered, her breath rushing out in short pants as he plundered her body over and over again, stamping his possession on her even as she possessed him.  She was soaring once more, pleasure dancing through each nerve ending as her mate loved her to the point of sending her mindless with sensation. She cried out, exploding once more in climax as Kainan called out his release, filling her with his life giving seed as they danced in the sun.

Long moments passed, their harsh breath on the air as he slowly released his hold on her body, turning her until she lay curled on her side on the rock. Kainan smiled, as he looked into her flushed face, his gaze enjoying her body for a moment before he climbed up to lay on his side facing her.

“Forgive my impatience, Takareena. I have waited a long time for you.” His hand caressed her cheek, his touch gentle.

His words surprised her and made her smile. He thought he required forgiveness for loving her so thoroughly? She hoped he would love her that way many times in the future. “No forgiveness is required, my mate. Our sun dance was perfection.”

He smiled at her for the first time, pleasure dancing in his eyes as he pulled her close, enfolding her in his protective embrace. “I know we must learn to know each other and the future isn’t certain, Takareena, but I want you to know that I am committed to being mated with you. This first time with you has only hardened my resolve.”

A giggle escaped her at his choice of words and he frowned before he laughed softly. “Yes, it hardened that too,” he conceded with another laugh.

Takareena ran a hand over his chest, feeling his muscles tighten under her fingertips, hearing his sharp intake of breath. He was an exceptional lover and enjoyed humour too. He was strong and healthy, and would give her many strong children. The Gods had indeed blessed her.

“I am committed to being mated with you too, Kainan, and look forward to this Animate Sun cycle.” She boldly leaned up and pressed her lips against his, sighing with pleasure when he opened his mouth to allow her access. It was delicious and heady and it made her feel lightheaded.

It was he who broke the kiss, stroking her back as he grazed her neck with his lips and then nibbled at her ear. “As much as I would like to get to know you a bit better, there is the village to get up and running again, mate. Fear not though, tonight I will show you once again just how committed I am.”

His promise made her shiver with delight as they rose and quickly cleaned up in the river. In silence, they dressed and turned back towards the village hand in hand, joining with the other mates making their way back. The Dead Moon had waned and the Animate Sun was in ascendancy. The People would thrive as they always had, the cycle of life marching on.

The End

Saturday, 3 November 2012

Skylight in Full Moon

The night was perfect and exactly how she loved it; quiet, cold and barren. Skylight walked slowly through the darkness, pausing every now and then to touch the ebony rich tree barks devoid of foliage.  It was the beginning of winter and it was her time. The world came alive for the fairy ice queen when the temperature dropped and the heat of his rule diminished.

To the distance, she could still scent the dying rays of autumn. There was still a part of him awake and throwing his influence out into the world. However, his touch was receding with each passing night as hers was growing. How she loved and loathed this part of the cycle when control ceded to her dominion. How it frustrated him and made her heart fill with sorrow.

Jomei was always one to hate conceding to the cold. It was understandable because he danced in the warmth of the sun’s rays, delighting in the laughter of the beings that inhabited the otherworld.  She preferred the snow and ice, the absence of sound infiltrating her world.

A cloud broke the horizon and the pale full moon bathed her surroundings in a soft glow, causing her lips to tilt gracefully in a pleased smile. The beauty that was her domain filled her heart with such joy and never failed to astound her. How she loathed parting from this world when the sun won dominance and it was her time to sleep. How she missed her people as they slept and she walked alone among the trees. They flew to their slumber weeks before she did, and rose weeks after. In those moments, she was truly alone and that was what invariably pulled her feet towards him.

Loneliness drew her as it drew Jomei. They were opposites and yet the same, capable of such beauty that fell under their opposing remit. Like most beings, they craved the company of their people and became lonely when they slept. Like most beings that need drew them together.

Skirting the very edge of her domain, Skylight stared at the small clearing, feeling him close. He remained from view and she could walk no further, his waning autumn holding too much sway. She knew it was the same for Jomei, that he wanted to be able to walk closer and could not.

“Well met, my heart,” his deep voice whispered across the expanse, sending a flutter of pleasure within her. It had been too long since his voice had caressed her hearing.

“Well met, my beloved.” Skylight tried to keep the yearning from her voice but knew she failed, as had he when he spoke. “I ache to see you, Jomei.”

“As do I, my love, but your presence withers my domain as it should. I can come no closer, however just to hear your voice is more than I could hope for.”

A lone, crystal tear crept from the corner of her eye, making a slow trail down one alabaster cheek. “Hearing is such sweet sorrow, Jomei, when I long to see you, to touch and hold you. This must truly be the most bitter of punishments.”

A short laugh echoed on the night air, lacking in humour. “Even the Gods could surely not have foreseen that Fire would love Ice, dearest one. If they had then I feel sure they would have found a way to enable one touch, one caress of your flawless skin.”

His voice held such faith but Skylight was not so sure the Gods were that ambivalent. Each waking and sleep cycle was a torture beyond measure and she was sure the Gods watched each moment and obtained much enjoyment from them.  “If only…,” she whispered, brushing away another errant crystal from her cheek.

A rustle of sound as the last leaves finally fell from the trees across the expanse. The fleetingness of glimpses, as she held her breath in wonder.  The tall figure of her counterpart swam into view, wavy golden hair framing a bronzed face. Pale blue eyes shining brightly for a moment before the light began to dim.

“You are so beautiful, my heart, with your flowing white hair and deep brown eyes. How I long to trail my fingers across your alabaster skin and press my lips against yours. One day, Skylight…” His voice trailed off, becoming sleepy in sound as his form began to waver.

Skylight turned from his receding form, feeling her coldness reaching out to engulf him and send him into his winter slumber. A shard of ice scored her heart as she leached his warmth and sent him away. “Sleep well, my beloved, and hold my heart close.”

It was so unfair they could never be together but for two brief moments in time. Skylight tried to shake the sorrow from her heart but it was hard when the one she wanted to be with most dearly was the one she sent to sleep each winter as he sent her to sleep each spring. Jomei truly believed one day they would touch but she was certain that day would never come.

Skylight looked back and was met with a view of her domain, white frost slowly creeping forward to gather all in its wake. There was no longer any scent of Jomei; his slumber had truly begun. With a sad smile, she turned away again and traced her icy path back into the heart of the trees.

A flutter of light caught her attention, and Skylight’s sorrow diminished as her smile grew. With Jomei’s departure, her beautiful people were beginning to wake. The illumination gathered strength as a handful of the early risers drew closer, small fairy wings beating frantically on the night air.

“Good evening, my darlings,” she whispered spreading her arms out so they could flutter around her, tiny voices full of happiness as they greeted their queen with joyful song. It was the purest sound, so melodic and hypnotising, that she closed her eyes and breathed in the cold air, luxuriating in their greeting.

With each passing song, the sorrow receded, replaced by a joy that completed her. Her time of loneliness was over and for a while, she would bask in the glow of her dominion, singing and dancing her cold touch across the landscape. Until the day her people slept once more and she would return to the clearing to bid goodnight to her love.

The End