Saturday, 5 July 2014

Lost Soul

Lost Soul

I used to matter.

I do know that.

It was something I could almost reach out and touch, that beautiful, enthralling emotion that was knowing you truly mattered.

I can’t even pinpoint the day it vanished.

It was like a slow awakening, that moment between sleep and wakefulness when you’re not quite conscious yet.

One day I just woke up and I realised that I no longer mattered.

Living with that is hard…so very hard.

I struggle to hold on, even as I know that I am the only one left fighting.

I am in denial.

Afraid to have that conversation because I don’t want to have my thoughts confirmed.

What will I do without you in my life?

How will I face each day, and the hole in my heart where you once lived?

Even now, I still hold onto some hope.

That if you knew my fears you would banish them with laughter and tell me I am wrong.

I know that is only wishful thinking though.

I know the truth of the silence left between us.

I used to matter.

I do know that.

However, there is nothing left now, except to set you free.

So, thank you for gracing my world with your beauty and your love.

Be happy.

Be awesome.

And remember that no matter what.

You will always matter

To me.


  1. wow... J... This is heart wrenching... you know the emotion that is so sad that you literally start to feel your stomach almost hurt? yeah that. 'I used to matter' I ache for the people who feel that. I have felt it before in different relationships. Thank you J for being the author you are. Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for being the person you are!

  2. I hope this is not reflective how you really about your current life or relationship. This beautuful and true for many of us.

  3. I hope this was born of empathy and not experience. It is beautiful. As are you. You matter an awful lot to lots of us x