There is this darkness inside of me.
Evil, if you will. When ever I look into a mirror, this is what I see. My reflection is like a negative to a photo of me. But this evil part of me, is very real. I have had these feelings and the reflection for about 5 years now. Ever since I hit puberty. It was also the year that the neighbors moved in across the street. I remember it well. It was the first time I met my now husband. I was 13 he was 16. I had such a crush on him ever since that day. I felt sparks, then for the first time ever, a burning fire in my female parts. I became so wet between my legs, just from shaking his hand. I had to run home in embarrassment!
Today is my wedding day! It is also my 18th birthday and Halloween. I am marrying a man that is so kind and sweet. We have known one another for half a decade. Best friends from the day after he moved in across the street. What will he think, if he were to ever see my reflection! I have pondered over this until I have driven myself half mad. I must find a way to destroy this living part of me. How can I keep trying to hide it, while living under the same roof as he?
My actions in life have always been of kindness and good. Even since the appearance of this evil inside of me. I've never allowed my darkness to intrude on my everyday life. I often have nightmares though, of all things that are unholy and full of madness and demons. I can't control what goes on while I sleep. I always wake up screaming and crying, full of anxiety and fear.
My body wet with sweat and tears. Shaking so hard that it rattles the headboard against my wall. They feel so real, my nightmares, and the things that are done to me in them, are demoralizing and gruesome! My new husband has only witnessed this on a couple of occasions. Easily explained away as an occasional nightmare. What will he think when he finds that I have these nightmares almost every night!
On this evening of my wedding day, I had been looking in the little box that my husband had given to me. On that second day of his being in the neighborhood, he had given it to me, and told me that one day, I would be his wife and he my husband. Over the years, I have put little gifts that he has given to me, inside of it. After closing the lid, the reflection in my mirror actually reached out and grabbed my wrist! I know there will be bruises. I was so frightened, not knowing if this was real, or my imagination. I tried to appear calm, I mean, this was me, right? My reflection was mouthing words, that I couldn't hear.
This was a first, and I could only catch a couple of the words that it, (me?), was trying to tell me. It mouthed the words Demon, Hell, and the name I could not ever imagine being associated with these other words, Jeremy. My new husbands name.